Cancer diagnosis

lancewade
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2017 8:15 pm

Cancer diagnosis

Postby lancewade » Mon Feb 06, 2017 8:33 pm

I am so overwhelmed with unfinished business while trying to cope with the news I have liver cancer.My mind is racing most of the time, comsumed by guilt of a failed marriage,relapse into drug and alcohol use off and on for 9 years now and the damage that has done to my 2 daughters that I have not seen in 6 years now, and how to approach them and not have it all about me... I want my daughters to have time to be angry with me and find some path to peace before I get too sick, that is to say how do I let them know about my prognosis without laying some sort of guilt trip on them, they won't be arriving on their own time to these places.This is the part of the process that I have so much pain about and am frightened of the power it exerts on me...will write more later
Zsanine
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 5:23 pm

Re: Cancer diagnosis

Postby Zsanine » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:52 pm

Your message has the answers. Thank you so much for sharing them. Breathe gently and deeply to feel how the universe treasures you and sees itself reflected in you. My 82-year-old mother was diagnosed with liver cancer last mid-October. It was important for me to know, process and heal while she was still with me. It allowed me to be with her and share with her from my heart as best as I could, a healing for me. It was and still is a mixture of pain, love and everything, an opportunity to remember to breathe in and out, feel the earth embracing my feet. It seems that when someone close to us dies, a part of us dies too. And a metamorphosis of our experience takes place. Your existence and sharing your life with your daughters is a precious gift. There may be many different thoughts and feelings but it is healing that will continue on many levels. Don't wait too long to reach out to them, if possible. Thank you and Treasure yourself. Peace.
Jasper
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 12:37 pm

Re: Cancer diagnosis

Postby Jasper » Thu Feb 16, 2017 10:16 pm

Thank you both for your posts. I lost my dad suddenly in his sleep in Mid-Sept. Our relationship was strained and he was trying to mend it but never knew how and I have tremendous angst that I could not makes myself help him mend it either. I suppose what was helpful about your post lancewade was that I could say to you from a daughter's perspective what I know I would want my dad to know. I would want him to know that I saw his efforts and so much appreciated them. I just cherished what time he was trying to make for me at the end over being angry about the time that wasn't there. Sure, there is still difficulty around all of the complicating circumstances that were never resolved, but the heart of the matter is exactly that, the heart. The experience of the bond between he and I existed and is not changed by any circumstance and the experience of his death is one of the most profound experiences of my life. Everything about him has been a gift; his life, his background, his being, who he was, who he wasn't, his conditions, and the loss of him. And writing this is so powerful in the moment here for me and I am sorry that it has become more about my experience. The point was that my dad, alone, was the important part of all of it. And all of the things that hurt and caused regret for both of us added to the complexity that just can't be defined in the world of duality. It's much more beautiful and powerful than that.
And for Zsanine, I'm sorry that you have been experiencing this with your mother. The purpose of sharing my story was to connect more with your experience and I hope this does not sound as if I am trying drown out your story. I also hope that you are finding the healing and the support that you are needing in that experience. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Zsanine
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2015 5:23 pm

Re: Cancer diagnosis

Postby Zsanine » Fri Feb 17, 2017 10:49 pm

Thank you very much, Jasper, for sharing and describing your experience so eloquently. It reminds me that it is not "my" pain but "the" pain we all share, "the" love we all share, "the" all there is to experience that we all share. It reminds me that we are all connected and connected to the Universal.

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